Ever find yourself sitting on a big idea, but instead of putting it out there, you hesitate, question yourself, and ultimately…make yourself smaller? Whether it’s fear of rocking the boat or those sneaky imposter feelings, we’ve all been there. And let’s be real—it's extra hard when our survival (aka rent, food, basic needs) depends on keeping our jobs in a capitalist system that doesn’t always reward risk-taking.
But here’s the thing: Being a queer leader often means stepping into spaces that aren’t necessarily ready for us—so why not make that step with confidence?
Let's Talk Time Travel
Last week, I was coaching a client who was gearing up for some major leadership moments—like briefing donors and rallying their community after organizational chaos (hello, layoffs). They wanted to share a bold vision but were stuck in a moment of hesitation: Do I go for it? Or do I shrink back and play it safe?
Sound familiar?
This is where time travel comes in. No, really—let’s time travel. Think back to a moment when you felt like a badass and totally sure of yourself. Maybe it wasn’t even work-related. Maybe you gave a toast at a wedding, nailed karaoke night, or simply stood up for something you believe in. Got it? Cool, hold onto that feeling.
Now, let’s break it down. How did you move forward confidently in that moment? When I took my client time-traveling, it came down to two main strategies:
- Detached Involvement: They realized that when they spoke up in a coalition meeting recently, they were deeply invested in what they were saying but not freaking out over the outcome. They cared about delivering their message but didn’t let the fear of “what if it doesn’t go well?” block them. They just went for it. Think of it like this: Show up with heart, but don’t be so tied to the result that you freeze. Detached involvement frees you up to say what needs to be said, without shrinking.
- Clarity is Key: My client also found that being super clear on their message helped them push through the fear. They knew exactly what they wanted to say: “Someone needs to speak up for the folks we serve, and that someone is me.” It’s easier to stand in your truth when you're clear on your message. So, next time you hesitate, ask yourself: Do I know exactly what I want to say? If not, take a beat to get clear before you move forward.
Photo from Disabled and Here
Your Turn: Time-Travel with Confidence
Here’s an exercise to try when you’re feeling that hesitation creeping in:
- Time-Travel to a Confident Moment: Think of a time when you confidently shared your message—work or not. Maybe it’s a memory of winning over a tough group, sharing a wild new idea, or making your voice heard in an important conversation.
- Break Down Your Strategy: What made it possible for you to step forward in that moment? Was it because you weren’t attached to the outcome (detached involvement)? Was it because you knew exactly what you wanted to say? Maybe you had a fabulous outfit on—a totally valid and underestimated queer strategy!
- Apply It Now: Use those same strategies in the present. If you’re hesitating because you’re fuzzy on your message, spend some time getting clear on what you want to say. If you’re worried about how it’ll land, practice detached involvement—care, but don’t carry the weight of the result. If your confidence comes from something else, USE IT!
The Reality: Bravery Is Risky
One of the biggest reasons we hesitate is because, let’s face it, there’s risk involved. In capitalism, our employment is tied to our well-being, making the stakes feel impossibly high. But here’s the deal: Your work, leadership, and vision require bravery. And yeah, there’s always a risk when you’re putting yourself out there. But if you wait for a risk-free moment, you’ll be waiting forever.
Confidence doesn’t mean you’re fearless—it means you move forward with the fear and still say what needs to be said. So next time you're gearing up for a bold moment, remember: Time-travel to when you’ve felt confident, borrow those strategies, and bring your full, brilliant self to the table.
Do you have a bold idea you’re hesitating to share? Let’s talk about it! I love working with leaders like you to build radical leadership confidence.