Okay, who out there is dealing with unexpected challenges? Seems like it’s just about everyone I talk to lately.
Recently, I was sitting with a client who’d just received some pretty tough life news. They’ll have to make many adjustments in different aspects of their life, and this news has thrown a big wrench into their career plans for the next year or so. They came to our session wanting to figure out how the heck they’re going to navigate this big, unforeseen challenge.
Here’s a not-so-secret secret about coaching: I do not have the answers. No coach does. My job as a coach is about knowing how to ask great questions and help you choose the right actions to get where you want to be.
I know this: Having a personal framework can make all the difference in moments of chaos and uncertainty. A framework is like an anchor; it grounds us when everything around us is swirling out of control. It’s a roadmap that helps us navigate twists and turns more effectively.
What the heck is a framework, and why does it matter?
Okay, I am so excited to talk about this because one of my superpowers is that I am a GREAT project manager. I have to be—my brain will do absolute chaos if I don’t give it solid guardrails. But seriously, I’ve spent a lot of my career building big, unwieldy projects and having to figure out how to keep them in some kind of order.
Lots of people define ‘framework’ in lots of different ways. I think about it like this: A framework is the structure that I give myself so that I can make the right decisions, quickly.
It might include values, tools I’m committed to using, questions that I allow to guide me, limits that I set for myself…really, anything that helps me to stay out of the muck of complex decision-making.
Here’s why having a framework matters: When we’re in the thick of a challenge, it’s easy for our sympathetic nervous system to get activated. (Adrenaline! Fight or flight! Total loss of ability to reason and think things through!) When our mind is racing, our emotions flaring, it becomes difficult to see a way forward.
That’s where a personal framework comes in—it provides structure when everything else feels shaky. It’s a set of guiding principles, practices, or priorities that we can return to, reminding us of what’s important and how we want to move through the world, even when the ground beneath us feels unsteady.
So…how do I create a framework to help me through a challenge?
The beauty of a personal framework is that it’s personal - it’s crafted by you, for you, and it evolves as you do. Instead of following someone else’s blueprint, you get to decide what works best for you, ensuring that your framework aligns with your identity, values, and the specific challenges you face as a queer leader.
So, rather than give you a one-size-fits-all solution, I will give you a bunch of prompts to help you create a framework that reflects your unique values, needs, and goals.
Foundational Questions:
- What core values are most important to you? (If you need a tool for some values clarification work, take mine!) Your core values will give you the best guidance, over and over again.
- What mindset will best support you at this moment? Do you need to focus on resilience, adaptability, or self-compassion? Consider what mental shifts might be necessary to help you move through this challenge with clarity and strength. Maybe it’s embracing flexibility, or perhaps it’s leaning into radical acceptance of where you are right now.
- What’s NOT Important Right Now? Identifying what’s unimportant right now helps you conserve your energy and focus on what truly matters. This might mean setting aside certain projects, stepping back from non-essential commitments, or letting go of perfectionism.
- What are your non-negotiables? These are the boundaries and practices you commit to, no matter what - the things that keep you grounded and aligned with your values. Maybe it’s maintaining a certain level of self-care or ensuring time for connection with your community. Whatever they are, these non-negotiables are the pillars that hold your framework together.
Bonus Questions:
- What’s the ‘normal’ way to deal with this challenge? How do you want to disrupt the norm to deal with it YOUR way?
- What are your best sources of wisdom?
- Where would you start if you didn’t know anything about this challenge?
- What do you know for SURE you need to do?
- What does holding radical love and compassion for yourself look like right now?
- Where are you likely to overthink?
- What are your non-obvious resources?
- What rituals (new or existing) will help you to navigate this challenge?
Putting It All Together
Once you’ve landed on some guidelines for yourself, put them all in one place where you can see them frequently. You might write yourself a letter, put them on sticky notes at your desk, record a voice memo to yourself, or make a fabulous art project out of them…what’s essential is that you keep your framework available to yourself. Think of it as a map you can check whenever you need to decide which direction to turn.
Your framework isn’t set in stone. It’s a living, breathing guide that evolves with you. Check in with yourself: Is your framework still serving you? Do you need to make adjustments? Be open to evolving your framework as you go.
Creating your own framework is a powerful move. It’s about making choices as you navigate challenges and ensuring that your approach aligns with your identity, values, and goals as a queer leader. So, the next time you face a challenge, try this process out for yourself. Start with your values, choose the mindset that will support you, let go of what’s not important, and establish your non-negotiables. And most importantly, give yourself the grace to adjust and evolve as you navigate your journey. You’ve got this.
(BTW, if you want some support around a challenge, large or small, I’d love to hear from you! I work on all sorts of tricky stuff with queer leaders - both 1:1, and in group coaching. You can grab a time on my calendar to talk about options here.